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I have no regret even if I die!
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Chapter 25 - I have no regret even if I die!
While attending the seminary and serving the YBA (Youth Born Again Mission) I hadn’t had much time to care about my family. My wife said “you had married the YBA” and complained quite a few times. I had written few chapters back about our financial struggle so I will not tell that story again. My wife had done a lot of knitting to make clothes for my children so we wouldn’t spend so much for clothing. My wife one day said that she was having indigestion and many months passed after that. Because of our financial struggle, it was hard to have a regular medical checkup. All I could do was buy her stomach indigestion medication. On the inauguration day of president Chung-Hee Park was a holiday. That night my wife complained about a pain in the stomach and rolled about in agony. So I woke up the house owner who lived on the first floor. I had told the owner the situation and he lent me some money. I left my 6 year old and 4 year old children in bed. Then I had grabbed my wife and ran to outside. There were taxis since there was no time limit (because it was the president’s inauguration day and during that time there were certain time periods when you were caught if you stayed too late out). I went to the ER Red Cross Hospital next to the SeoDaeMun’s roundabout, the same place where my children also went if they were sick.
I had registered and came to the ER, but the hospital’s equipment was not that adequate as current. I also didn’t think the ER doctor was a specialist. I still think to this day that doctor was more like an intern. The doctor said if she was crying and rolling in pain I would have to pay the medical expense receipt and he would give her a painkiller shot. I thought that my wife would die if I stayed here any longer. Even the money that was borrowed was almost running out. I decided to take my wife again and took another taxi to the Seoul University Medical Center.
During this time the entire hospital was still under construction. I asked the night guard where the ER was and he said it was shut down temporarily due to construction. I had asked if there was another major hospital nearby and the guard said Wu-Suk University Hospital. So I ran there, even though this hospital was far more better then the Red Cross Hospital, there weren’t a lot of night time shift doctors. I had paid for another painkiller for my wife. The doctors there said “I have given your wife the strongest pain reliever we have but if the pain persists, she would have to be admitted for hospitalization in the morning.” I thought her face was steadily turning dark and her tongue was being rolled up. When the morning came all the patients that needed hospitalization went in and those who couldn’t were asked to leave. At that time there was no hospital insurance so quite a lot of people came out dead. The hospital would just let the person go because they could not pay for the expense or simply rejected. I carried my wife on the back and came out from the ER and out to the lobby. I lay her down on a chair nearby and was in a dire situation.
I had prayed and prayed to let my wife live and finally decided to look for some help. First thing I needed was cash to be hospitalized, and called a friend from the YoungNak Presbyterian Young adult’s group. The friend said “I would like to help ASAP, but I have no money at the moment so I’ll get some once the bank opens.” That person at that time lived in GuhYuh-Dong (which was very far from the hospital). It was difficult for the person to head to bank (which opened at 9am in the morning) and navigate through the traffic and get to the Wu-Suk Hospital. My wife’s breathing as becoming more labored. I asked my friend “is there another way?” and told him to call me back in few minutes. There was indeed good news.
My friend called the woman deacon who I had mentioned on previous chapter. Her husband was the dean of the Wu-Suk University Medical School and was on his way to school. The wife told her husband about my situation and he said he would help and had called the hospital. Soon after a doctor in white gown came out and called my name and said “do you know the dean?” and told me to have my wife admitted for hospitalization. I went with a great hope that the hospitalization would be successful and went to the administration office. But the clerk said “Since I didn’t have a call from the Dean I cannot process the hospitalization.” That was devastating.
I sat down again and prayed. How can I save my wife? Then I thought of only one person. I knew a sister in Christ who was preparing to study abroad after graduating with a major in music in Seoul National University. I met her in the first YBA summer retreat. Her mother was a dean of pediatric department in a hospital and her father was a pastor in the United States. I have visited before at her house. I called her and told about my current situation from a payphone and she said “my mother is still preparing to head to the hospital but I will tell her.” Her mother said “I will help and have a discussion with the chief surgeon because it looks like needs surgery”. I would’ve taken a taxi to the hospital but I had run out of money that I had borrowed and even if I did get there I had to money to pay for the surgery expense. They discussed that because there was a chance my wife would be not alive when she arrives and because I had no money to pay for the surgery, but the chief surgeon said to come which was a very fortunate. The discussion ended with chief surgeon would send an ambulance in gladness. Hallelujah!
My friend who lived in GuhYuh-Dong came to meet me at the Wu-Suck University Hospital. It was when I was waiting for my wife’s ambulance. After she was discharged, my friend asked me which I still remember. “How can you have such a peaceful face in a crisis like this?” It was only through grace with my prayers. But in reality my heart was in pain and impatience. I also do not understand how I was in such a peaceful state. Since the traffic was quite heavy the ambulance came in late. Even with the sirens going off the cars wouldn’t move at all. After barely arriving at the WangShipRi Hospital there was an immediate hospitalization. But even with all the check up machine in the hospital was used there was still no way to find out what was causing the problem. The doctor suspected the gall bladder to be a problem, but surgery without knowing what the problem was too risky so there was a need to wait a day to find out what was going on.
After spending an entire day with a special request from the technician of the National Hospital scanned again and again nothing showed. Both the pediatric and the chief surgeon spent an entire night with no sleep to find out the problem but nothing! The next day it was decision time. It was decided to open up the stomach to find out the problem. At that time there wasn’t much house phones unless you were rich. I couldn’t call my mother in-law who lived in Kimpo even with my wife on the brink of death. I also had to sign a liability form saying the guardian was in response if the patient died.
A sister in Christ whom I met during YBA by the name of SungNam Cho decided to take care of my children. On the day of hospitalization the dean of the pediatric department took in my son while my daughter was sent to her aunt’s place in Paju. On the 30th of December it was time to have an open surgery to find the problem. Because it was towards the end of the year and despite their busy schedule, a lot of brothers and sisters in Christ visited me and my wife in the hospital. When it was time to roll her into the surgery room the brothers and sisters in Christ held the bed that was laying and prayed for her and it was in God’s hands. It was so crowded that it felt like she was someone famous.
After the surgery it was as the chief surgeon had suspected; the gallbladder was the problem. Apparently it had rotted and swollen to a size of a tennis ball but fortunate enough that surgery was made before it had ruptured. The medication had no effect in the scanning because the function was lost and the sign of medication never showed up. Had this ruptured the live and other major organs would’ve been affected. But it was fortunate that the problem was found at the last minute. After the surgery my wife said that “watching the sisters and brothers in Christ pray for me gave me inner peace and that was enough that I would have no regrets even if I had died.” That’s how the surgery went in full of hope and peace.
After several weeks of staying at the hospital she was ready to be discharged. But the problem was I had no hope of paying the surgery expense. The dean of the pediatric doctor knew my financial struggle and discussed with the hospital’s financial department to discount the surgery expense. Even that I had no solution since I had no money at all. The YBA members and the YoungNak Presbyterian Church’s young adults helped to gather money but that was also not enough. But a ray of hope came! The wife of the dean of the Wu-Suk Medical School heard of the story and helped pay for the rest of the surgery expanse. After all that was paid there was still a bit of money left so that helped a lot to take care of my wife after being discharged.
My wife is still with me now. After moving to the United States my wife had 3 more major surgeries. In the States even if there is no insurance, once the surgery is started and finished there is a system that lets you pay in small installments so it’s not as hard as Korea. She had a breast cancer surgery 3 years ago, and 5 years ago suffered stroke. She had a surgery also because some function was blocked near the liver. Another surgery was made because the gallbladder had another problem but the doctors couldn’t find since it was gone, but in the surgery area a small mineral had hardened and turned into a rock and that had accumulated for 30 years but that was removed. It was tough finding that rock. She now exercises daily to live brightly for God.
It’s through God’s grace that she is still with me. God is in control of everything including life. God uses people to show what obedience is. I give thanks to the dean of the pediatrics. I give also thanks to the sister in Christ who heard the crisis and let it be known to her mother (mentioned above). She finished studying and graduating abroad in United States and France and works as a professor in music now in some university in California. Her mother also lives in United States. I still communicate with her mother once in awhile. I had greeted the chief surgeon before moving to the United States. He encourages us to “live long and healthy.” I don’t know the woman deacon who helped us financially during the crisis (Wu-Suk Medical School dean’s wife) is still alive or in heaven. I will thank her when I see her there. I also thank all the YoungNak Presbyterian young adults and the YAB members who helped sincerely.
(January 2011)
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Moving back to San Jose 
I have no regret even if I die!